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Superleague League Cup Final Preview: The Absolute Gents

Sam Browne thinks the Gents have already won.Gents_Preview


There is no point doing a preview of the Superleague League Cup Final with the Absolute Gents, as in their head they have already won it. "It was an easy victory, Squeeze My Lemon tried hard but in the end there was no real point turning up", so says Sam Browne, apparent gent, Absolute Gent.


It is not confidence that oozes out of every pour, it is arrogance, make no mistake. “I can’t remember the last time I felt confident, we operate well beyond the realms of confidence, this is arrogance and rightly so” says Sam. It is hard to get a word in edge ways as this motor mouth spews all things Gents.


Most teams have the good grace, as we look forward to the Finals, to name their players in a conventional manner, not the Gents. When called upon to put forward candidates for "the players to watch" segment they presented names no 3rd level institute of UCD’s standing would enrol, prompting fresh fears that The Gents may not come from as gentrified stock as previously thought.


"Scanno" is an adventurous character who likes to get up and down the line, the colour of this line is definitely white but it becomes blurred we try to establish whether it is a footballing metaphore being used. "Dan", is the more laid back of the pair, liking to get on the ball and put in a shift or two for his team mates. The Gents are mysterious characters, none more so than the tall, short, balding, long haired, hard working, lazy player, "Kealy". If you are confused by this description of him, it is the best you will get of this Loch Ness Monster type character of whom sightings are rare but the Gents still hold out enough hope he will turn up on the day.


At the back, Pigsy, no relation to Peppa, gets the job done, FACT!


And getting the job done is something the Absolute Gents pride themselves on, ever since they were young gentlemen across the UCD flyover and up the N11 in Colaiste Eoin. From a very early age getting the job done was something central to their very being, they would go about their jobs with efficiency, character and of course arrogance. When it came to creating a Superleague team, they did it without fuss, eventhough they have no interest in taking part, they saw an opportunity, a gap in the market, and they have revelled in winning ever since. They were #winning before any celebrity could have a famous breakdown.


Not shy in coming forward when it comes to putting the boot in, Browne says there is no love lost between the Absolute Gents and former incumbent, Mimbo. “He was a liability, he was never as arrogant as he should have been, it just wasn’t right, he was hurting the club”, ever since the much maligned Mimbo has exited stage left The Gents have gone from strength to strength. How the Gents survived that departure and that of Pim Riggins for sunnier climes is a mystery, to see their erstwhile "Goose" turn into a lame sitting duck and not crumble is testament their inner belief. Rumours that the Gents are funded by Tom Cruise’s Kaballah Superleague team are yet to be confirmed.


Looking forward to the Cup Final, or back as the Gents like to say, is a complicated process, stick with us. “Look fair play to the Lemon Squeezers, they tried hard but at the end of the day we were the better team on the day, they had a good cup run and maybe that will stand them in good stead when they start next season”, the deluded one, Browne continues. The Gents have had a poor season, “one league win, one cup win, we need better than that, it will be an interesting transfer window to say the least”. Browne is no stranger to tapping up the talent, he has never been convicted of any improper conduct but there are a number of country players playing for the Gents who may not be there of their own free will.


A hypothetical situation is the only way to ensure Browne can operate in the real world, imagine for a second that by a miracle of modern day life, one missed the Superleague League Cup Final, but came across a recording of it and one sat down to watch such a tape, what would one see?


“I don’t like the question, I know what you are trying to do but I will answer it, firstly we will fulfil the fixtures, that’s the basics, but we could turn up with 9 players just to make the match interesting, we have requested permission to place a traffic cone in the goal instead of our keeper, we want to make history. It’s about arrogance.”


The Absolute Gents court controversy, it is in their jeans, they were probably the first kids to wear petro motion or x worxx, as an ironic statement. They are flamboyant, no one shows as much athleticism, co ordination and grace as when the Gents Roll comes out to play. Remove the water from a swimming pool during a synchronised swimming event and you have the Gents at play.


The Gents will no doubt enter the luscious, grassy roped area that is R3 full of confidence and their usual bravado, topping last year's League Cup Final entrance will take some doing but Mr Browne's Boys will no doubt grab the limelight. Let's hope "Squeeze My Lemon Utd" don't prove a bitter pill to swallow.


The Superleague is a play, the Gents are the actors and they are just doing their jobs!